I love this show!

I just finished watching the biggest loser

I LOVE this show! It makes me feel like I can do it... no not 10+ pounds in a week, not 4 hours a day in the gym, but making wiser choices, smaller portions and moderate exercise. I am moving my scale so I don't weigh again until next Tuesday morning! I would love to be down 3 or 4 pounds. I have small group to get through on Thursday night... such temptation with really bad food. I will make the wise choice (straight f/ Kid's Club), with God's help, but it's up to me!

Today I decreased my carbs... did not eliminate them. Ate less food, so I am sure less calories. Did not get to the Y, may not get there until saturday morning. My plan is to seriously train for a 5 K in 3.5 weeks. I can run 1.5 miles, time to double.

Praising God for a great day, asking God for self-control (the fruit of the spirit I lack the most) for tomorrow.

Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 egg white, 2 slices of low fat ham, 2 T shredded cheese
Lunch: 2 slices of ham, 2 slices of cheese
Snack: string cheese, fiber one bar
Dinner: black beans & corn, broccoli with cheese and dijon mustard sauce, turkey burger on wheat bun with slice of cheese and ketchup

Notes f/ today: too much cheese, no water!

The Biggest Loser

My goal is to be my own biggest loser!  Today is the perfect day to start... The season premiere of Season 8, the season of second chances.  This is way past my second chance, but I am beginning again anyways.  So today (which I had picked about 2 or 3 weeks ago) is my day to again begin working hard and eating right.

This weekend on vacation, something happened... acutally a couple of things happened.

1- I tried on bathing suits!

2- I saw pictures of myself in a bathing suit

3- Two of my kids asked me why I have a fat belly (while I was wearing a bathing suit).  I answered because I have 3 kids and I eat too much. 

It made me feel sooo bad about myself, if I hadn't been on the beach with my family, I probably would have cried. As a mom, I want my children and my husband to think I am beautiful, the fat belly that they asked/laughed at doesn't fit my image of beautiful for myself.  I get tons of compliments from people about how I look (I have lost about 30 pounds total over a long period of time) and I do look better than I did then.  People comment about how great of a mom I am, but I never seem to feel good about myself.  I think that it has something to do with my self image and what I see as beautiful.

I am not writing this blog for comments to boost me up or for people to say that I am not fat or whatever... I am writing to capture my thoughts and struggles and to share with others how hard it really is... To encourage others with the same struggles whether they have 10 pounds or 210 pounds that they can't get control of.  If I can do, anyone can!  The bottom line is that for people who are over weight, most of them have some sort of food addiction.  I know because I am one of them.  I have had people laugh at me when I say that.  I guess because I don't weigh 400 pounds and eat a half gallon of ice cream in one sitting then they don't think I am addicted to food.  Well, let me first clear that up.  I sneak and eat.  Not because I am hungry, but because I want it.  I know I shouldn't be eating it, it's bad for me and I am not hungry, but I eat anyways, so I do it in secret... that is a food addiction.

So here is to today... I need to muster up more self control than I think I have.  But I will!

Times Are Changing

As I look ahead to the fall, I see so much in our life changing! The boys will be in Kindergarten. Is that really possible? I can’t believe that they are five years old already. We plan on homeschooling, but Kindergarten is still a milestone in their lives and in ours. I think about how our life will never be the same and am nervous about the pressure and responsibility to train our children in all they need to be responsible, polite, respectful, intelligent (hopefully) children and someday adults.

Over the past few years, we have changed the priorities that we used to have in life and have made decisions that we hope will bring glory to God and peace in our home. They continue to change and evolve into what we see as walking closer to God, choosing to choose His way of life rather than the world’s. We want to live debt free... if we are out of debt and are talking about the way we spend our money, then we will have no money troubles... and the love of money and material things is the source of so much discord and unhappiness in our world. We don’t want them to affect our marriage and our family negatively. We need a new truck, but have decided to save until we can pay cash for it. God has been faithful in providing for us and I have no doubt that He will honor our decision and keep Doug’s old truck running a little while longer until we have saved some more money! I am thankful for the change in our priority of debt... We don't want any!!!

Our life seems so busy now, we seem always on the go, compared to few short years ago and that in itself reminds me that times are changing. I was a schedule fanatic, I used to never miss naptime or bedtime, now it is normal for several times a week for our schedule to go out the window. I get frazzled and frustrated don’t always feel like I am a good mom and wife. I question the way discipline and my expectations, not only of the kids but my expectations of myself. I wonder who am I trying to please...

As a busy wife and a mom I have to constantly remind myself that my Lord and Savior HAS to be the center of my life, the Only One I am trying to please. He never changes and that part of my life should never change either. As I go from breakfast to lunch to laundry to groceries to cleaning bathrooms and then on to work it is so easy for me to lose my focus. As times around me are changing and at times spinning out of control, today, I am reminded that everything can change, but God’s love for me does not change, Jesus dying on the cross for me does not change, God’s unending grace and mercy does not change. If I keep my focus on those things, I will have what ever I need, whenever I need it to get through life and it’s constant changes, and I will have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, on the other side of that change.

And God Reminds Me...

I am again reminded why I changed the direction my website is going... Our church recently looked at hosting a mini-women’s conference where a well-known, well-respected woman would be teleconferenced in for part of the conference. The minimum price is $1000 for up to 250 people. If we chose to charge, that would leave out many people who could not afford to pay to come. So sad that that price is out of reach for the majority of churches and people in the world!

I believe that God has given me a desire as well as a gift to write and speak/teach about Him to others. I desperately want to share what God has done to change my life and the things that He is teaching me everyday, with others. I believe with all of my heart that anything I do has to be available to everyone, but at the same time not appear as cheesy and low budget! Someday, FaithWalk will have podcasts and video teachings as well as the already available traditional Bible study and the coming really soon mini-studies, all to help you in your walk with Christ.

I could add great stuff everyday (not going to happen right away, LOL), but the only way my website will gain exposure and become reputable is YOU! I need you to share my website with everyone you know. Share it with email. If you are a member of the FaithWalk facebook page, go to the FaithWalk page (type faithwalk in the search on FB and it will come up) then suggest it to all of your friends. Tell your church leaders about it, tell them that I am willing to come and speak to large or small groups at no charge.

God has led me in the direction of creating this website to be available to all, I believe that God has led me to you to help me spread the word! Will you be a part of God’s bigger plan?

Maybe I Have Been Doing It Wrong...

I think I may have come upon a personal revelation! I have been doing it all wrong! There are several areas of my life where I struggle with self control. I have shared with you all that food is one of them... I continually go down this road, not only with food, over and over and over again. I know that I need the power of the Holy Spirit to help me discover and embrace this self control that I lack. I read about it, pray about it and when I fail, I chastise myself, I feel guilty, and just give up. When I give up on the area of self control, I find that I also give up on (for lack of a better term to fit here) Jesus too. It’s like I have made the two connected. This is what I do...

I decide that I am going to get control of my self control.

I decide that I need Jesus to do it.

I make strong commitments to myself and to Jesus.

I pray and read my Bible.

After 1-5 days, I fail.

Guilt, self-pity, chastisement...

Done... until the next time.

Basically, I make the decision and attempt on my own power to make a change, bringing Jesus along as a sidekick. It’s like I thought that if I make the decision to do something and take Jesus along, then I will be successful... WRONG!!! What I should be doing is seeking Jesus all of the time, not connected to any particular area of my life. I need to continue to recognize and remember the problem area in my life. Seek Jesus for guidance and ask Him for ways to escape temptation. First, I HAVE to be connected to Jesus only for the love and peace and fulfillment that comes from a close relationship with Him. NOT for what He can do for me! I need to allow that relationship to grow and develop independently from needing it to escape a stronghold.

Sometimes I think that I know the right answers, but get them mixed up when I go to apply them in my own life! This walk with Jesus that I am on is a work in progress that I am privileged to be able to share with it you! (Especially when I stumble or when I see a light on a dark path, or both) I hope that it encourages you in your walk... the walk doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to be walking!

Courage

Courage such an important word. God tells us so many times in His word to be strong and courageous, He is with us. So why do I have so much trouble. I am very solid in my beliefs and my faith. I do not waver. I try live the way God wants me to live. I am actively pursuing a personal and intimate relationship Jesus. So, where, may I ask, is my courage???

Joshua 1:5-9 says,” No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. “Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (NLT)

The other night at work I was sharing about a woman (who remained and will remain nameless) that is choosing to stay in her marriage because it is what God has commanded her to do. Her husband is an alcoholic and is at times verbally abusive. Their relationship is awful, but she feels like she made a covenant to God and that it is permanent. The lady I was talking to, who goes to church, responded with a very worldly conditioned response...

“I think that God gave us common sense to not be treated that way. This is not how God wants us to live, and if someone wants to pull the God card, then the Bible says we are created in God’s image and would anyone say that God’s image should be abused.”

My stomach immediately knotted up. I have studied marriage and divorce in depth and know what the Bible teaches, but in that moment I had no courage, I had nothing to say to her. Later, almost tearful, I confessed this weakness to Jesus, asking for forgiveness, balking at myself for allowing Satan to freeze me in a moment when I could have confidently and with knowledge on the subject spoken the truth about it.

I wish I would have told her that she is wrong. God is specific that marriage is forever. It is a covenant only broken by death. Divorce may end your marriage legally, but you are married in God’s eyes until death. Living the life that God commands can bring great suffering in this life. It can bring persecution from your family and friends who don’t understand why you make the choices you make especially when they are against what the world says. I should have told her about the passage 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 that says a Christian woman should not leave her husband, that she brings holiness to her home and her marriage and the her husband may be converted because of her. Lastly, Jesus, God’s son, who is one with God was beaten and abused beyond recognition, all for God’s will and glory. Her defense on God’s image not being treated badly is out the window on that one. I would never advocate a woman staying in a dangerous relationship, however, I think we are too quick to run when there is suffering. The world thinks that our life is supposed to blissful and if it is not, then we leave. The woman I am referring to is in no danger. I commend this woman for staying in her marriage. She and I have talked in depth and I know her heart concerning this. She prays for her husband and knows that God will reward her for her obedience. She knows that someday her husband may be freed of his addiction because of her love and God’s love for him.

My prayer is that the next time I have the opportunity to be bold for Christ, that I have the courage to do so. God is with me and He commands it of me! How about you pray the same prayer with me!

How Am I Spending My Time???

I have recently been convicted about the time (or lack of time) that I spend with my Lord and Savior. I must confess that I have never gotten into the habit of my daily quiet time. I have tried many times. I have even done it for a few weeks at a time, but never long term, never permanently. I mean really... can I not find 15 minutes for God each day???

I recently had a conversation with a very dear friend of mine. I shared with her my intense desire to have a relationship with Jesus that I only hear a very few people talk about. I hear them say that their relationship with HIM is the their most cherished relationship, they often talk about this intense love for Him. I am not talking about the people that say it because it sounds good, but the people who really mean it. You can see it all over them and hear it in their voice. I am confident that I am going to Heaven, but I don’t want to live my entire life and miss it. I don’t want to be the typical Christian who knows the answers, lives pretty good, but misses out on the most important part of Christianity... the relationship.

After our conversation I began to evaluate my motives for this 15 minute quiet time and the guilt I have for not doing it. If I spend 15 minutes a day 7 days a week, I have given God 1 hour and 45 minutes. In that 15 minutes, I might get a little Bible reading in and rattle off my list of requests to Him for the day. Check mark... done! I got in my quiet time. Fifteen minutes does not even allow me to quiet my mind. No wonder I have never embraced this time, for me, it is useless. It is a one way, half-hearted communication with God. I started thinking, what if I set aside 2 days each week, maybe 3 days, where I give God one hour.... hmmmm.

I tried it!

Boy, was I amazed! In that hour, I sat still for 5 minutes, just thinking about God... praising Him, allowing Him, asking him to just love on me. Nothing more, I did not ask for anything! What happened, my mind was clear, I was focused. Then I began to read, asking God to speak to me, personally. I went to Ephesians. At first I was reading, thinking this was no different than any other time I had been reading but then a verse stopped me in my tracks. Wow I said. I read and reread it and reread it again. Then I read on. I could not believe it. God was really talking to ME! He was telling ME things. By this time, I am getting excited. It had only been 20 minutes. I thought about what he told me, I wrote it down, thanking God for this wonderful communication with me! Then I began to pray. This was not a quick... rattle off all I need and want and intercessions because I have 15 minutes. I started by praising Him and thanking Him. Then I was able to pray from my heart, confessing sin and doubts that had been building up. I pleaded with Him for people in my life who are hurting.

In then end, I spent one hour and 5 minutes with Him and it was WONDERFUL!!! My time with Jesus, was rich and meaningful and left me looking forward to my next time with Him... kind of like after a great date :-) A couple of nights later, I did the same thing, following the same pattern and had a similar experience, reading from Colossians and God was again talking to ME!

What did I learn from this... the reason my 15 minute quiet time has never become a part of my life is because it was meaningless for me. It was me fulfilling a man-made rule and I got nothing from it. In 2 preset appointments with God, I got more than I would have in 2 months of 15 minute quiet times. I also have found myself having more daily communication with God. Thinking of Him, praying for people and looking forward to my next meeting with Him. What a blessing! Rather than convicting myself to 15 minutes a day and feeling guilty when I don’t or can’t, I desire my 2 hours with God each week. This is freedom for me from a man-made rule, that may just change my life!

Blessings to you all!