You Love Me Anyway - Sidewalk Prophets

On Friday night, the lyrics to a song I have heard probably a couple of hundred times spoke to me in a new way.  It doesn't matter what I do or what I have done, Jesus loves me anyway. He knew the struggles I would have and the mistakes that I would make. He knew that He would not always be first in my life.  He knew that there would come a time when I crave food more than I do Him. He knew that even though He worked a miracle in my life when He saved my marriage, I would still one day not look to Him first... But He Loves Me Anyway. 


"I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
And I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway
I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth-shaking ground
I turned away with this smile on my face
With this sin my heart tried to bury your grace
Alone in the night I still call out to You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life
But You love me anyway
Oh God how You love me"


He knew everything I would do and He still went to the cross for me.  How can I even think I deserve anything? When He gave it all so that I could have the life I do. His love and grace are bigger than me. They are bigger than I can understand. If that isn't personal; if that doesn't convict me to walk away from the physical/emotional temptations that Satan has used to wedge a wall between me and Jesus, I don't know what can!

Made to Crave

I have people tell me all the time, they "don't know how I do it", call me "superwoman", etc.  As flattering as it should be; I realize that they don't have a clue to the inner me.  Sometimes I think I look like I have it all together because I do juggle a lot of hats and maintain them somewhat successfully, but also because I am as good as the next sister at putting on the front of "Look at me, see, I have got it all together!"  What most people do not know is that I have found myself at a difficult time of my life. Really, I don't enjoy much about life. I simply endure and persevere to the next day, trying to complete as much of my to-do list as I can then sleep and do it again tomorrow.  I feel so overwhelmed and multi-tasked that it is difficult, certainly rare, to enjoy even the small day to day things that I should enjoy, especially with Doug and the children... this is where I have discovered that food comes in...

I am reading a really great book right now called Made To Crave by Lysa Terkheurst.  This is actually a really difficult book for me.  This book focuses on my focus of food and why I turn to it rather than to God.  Talk about a stepping on my toes kind of read. Because of this book (I have only read about 5 chapters) I have discovered that I don't emotionally eat. I don't eat when I am sad or happy or upset.  I just eat... to eat. I enjoy it. When I eat yummy food, it is small bits of pleasure, maybe even enjoyment in my overly busy, unenjoyable life.  Now I know what the problem is, but I am finding it to be a very difficult problem to solve.

Made To Crave suggests that God created us to crave... HIM... not anything else.  To get rid of the unhealthy eating habits and craving, we have to get closer to Him. To get closer to Him we have to give up something that is permissible, but not necessarily beneficial with the sole purpose of getting closer to God.  Sounds easy enough, right? Not really, at least for me!  I have been struggling with my personal relationship with Jesus for some time now. In my busy, even exhausting life, I spend less and less time with Him. This has been progressive for several years now. I see it, I recognize it, but I have not changed it.  As much as I want to refocus and get back in touch with Jesus personally, I don't want to give up food, my tidbits of daily pleasure to do it!  There is my ah-ha moment. So here I am, confessing to whoever is reading this, that I want food as much, if not more than I want God right now.  I am praying that as I continue on the Made To Crave journey, I can overcome this sinful, selfish place. That I can embrace the idea of empowerment over deprivation so that for the first time in my adult life not be defeated by food and renew my relationship with Jesus without food in the middle!

I know that I am not alone in this battle, identifying the source of the problem is only the first step. Having the courage to tackle it is what will mold my character and show who (Jesus) I am really made of!

Honor God With Our Bodies!

1 Corinthians chapter 6 says, “ Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you and was given to you by God? You don’t belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”

There are many ways to honor God with our bodies.  One way our family chooses to honor God is by eating healthy, wholesome food. I am by no means saying we never eat fast food or junk, because we do. We just try really hard to do so in moderation. I try to make it a habit to cook real food out of real ingredients 3-5 times a week.  This leaves room for leftovers and for quicker “processed” meals.  I think it is our responsibility to take care of the bodies God has given us. Our bodies were bought at a high price when Jesus died on the cross and it is the least I can do to give my family real food with as little preservatives as possible.

Last night I made a quick homemade pizza. It took about 20 minutes of prep time and then 20-25 minutes of cooking time. This is no longer than it takes to order and have pizza delivered.

The crust:

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 (.25 ounce) package active dry yeast

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon white sugar

1 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
Mix the dry ingredients and the add the wet ingredients. Mix together and knead until well blended. Spread/roll out
on large pizza pan.  

I added a couple of tablespoons of Italian seasoning for flavor... yummy.

We then covered the pizza with jarred spaghetti sauce and our favorite toppings.  Cheese, ham, fresh pineapple, garlic, sliced tomatoes and baby spinach. Bake at 375 for 20-25 minutes.

           

 The result, a yummy, filling semi-homemade pizza with less perservatives and stuff than your frozen or take out pizza. And, it was fun to make... just ask my kids :-)

Blooming???

I love springtime! Everything is new and fresh. Things are coming alive, the colors are vibrant. Flowers are blooming. The air is fragrant. I wonder why my life can’ be like that all of the time...

Just like each year goes through seasons, I have come to the conclusion that my life goes through seasons. There are seasons like spring and summer with intense growth and vibrancy and then there are seasons like winter and fall where my growth is dormant. Oh, how I long for and hope for my life to be spring and summer all of the time, but the reality is, it is not. I have recently been in a dormant state. I have been busy and often overwhelmed with life and just doing stuff that I have not allowed myself to continue growing. I know without a shadow of a doubt what God wants from me but because of my dormant growth, I have produced nothing.

As I realize this, I am saddened that I have allowed myself into this state, but encouraged because after a plant has been dormant, when it awakens to the light and warmth of the sun it experienced extreme and rapid growth. This is my prayer... I want to awaken to the light and warmth of my Lord and experience extreme and rapid growth. I want to bloom, I want to produce the fruit that God has made me to produce. I think blooming for God is going to be exciting :-)

What if Jesus was never born?

That was the questioned asked if church tonight... and I have never really thought about, until now that is (Thanks Jon). It is scary to think about the world and what things would be like if He had never been born. His impact on the world is so huge I can't even imagine it. But for me personally, the thought brings tears to my eyes...

I would probably be divorced, I would not have my children, I would not have the kind of friends that I do, I would not have peace, I would be searching for what is going to make me happy, seeking self-actualization (according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs). I really can't picture my life if Jesus hadn't been born and for that I am thankful. I am humbled by his gift of life and salvation as well as his blessings on our life. He gave so much/gives so much... others give so much and often my family receives the blessing. We don't deserve it, we haven't earned it, we don't give enough, at least I don't. Yet because he was born, I have life and peace and provision beyond what I can understand! Thank you Jesus :-)

Why is it thought that so many of us, and at times, myself included, live like Jesus was never born? Most of the world lives like that, many not believing in Him at all and worse than that, people that do claim to believe, going through life like Jesus was never born... Living for themselves, wanting more, getting more... I know people that live like that, whom I see searching to fill the void, the unhappiness with things, with relationships, with work, with food, with alcohol, with whatever. They never give Jesus a thought at least not until crisis strikes, and of course He is there.

If we live like Jesus was born and died for us, we would love more and give more and worship more and serve more. We would WANT to know Him, we would seek Him daily, we would appreciate His teachings, His miracles and His sacrifice. We wouldn't be who we are...

This Christmas I plan to reflect on how I live my life... Am I living like Jesus was never born or am I living like I have received the greatest most precious gift ever? How about you?

Merry Christmas!

Haggai

Haggai 1:3-9 says, "Then the word of the LORD came through the prophet Haggai: "Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains a ruin?" Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it." This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored," says the LORD. "You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house.""

Every time I read these verses, they blow me away.  I know that this is my biggest problem!  For me, I have struggled with contentment at various times of my life... you know, never being satisfied with what I have. Wanting more, wanting better. God is saying until you put me first, nothing else will be satisfying to you; nothing else will be good enough. Not your clothes, not your house, not your food, not your relationships... you will always be looking, searching for more, for better. Searching for peace, contentment, happiness.

Consider what would happen if we put God first. He would fill us up. We would not be filling our bodies with unnecessary food, filling our homes with junk hoping "it" would make us happy, we would not be looking at our relationships especially our marriages as hopeless and unsatisfying, turning our eyes to others or to other options like divorce to make us complete and at peace. God would make us complete and at peace. We need to quit trying to fix it ourselves and just look up... to Him!

I desperately want Jesus to be the center of my life... ALL OF MY LIFE, including what I eat.  Battling my food addiction is just one of the problems that could be solved if I spent more quality time with Jesus.  I am in prayer for contentment, relief of stress and the overwhelmed feeling that I have most days right now as well as self control with my eating, activity and my time.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!  

Times Are Changing

As I look ahead to the fall, I see so much in our life changing! The boys will be in Kindergarten. Is that really possible? I can’t believe that they are five years old already. We plan on homeschooling, but Kindergarten is still a milestone in their lives and in ours. I think about how our life will never be the same and am nervous about the pressure and responsibility to train our children in all they need to be responsible, polite, respectful, intelligent (hopefully) children and someday adults.

Over the past few years, we have changed the priorities that we used to have in life and have made decisions that we hope will bring glory to God and peace in our home. They continue to change and evolve into what we see as walking closer to God, choosing to choose His way of life rather than the world’s. We want to live debt free... if we are out of debt and are talking about the way we spend our money, then we will have no money troubles... and the love of money and material things is the source of so much discord and unhappiness in our world. We don’t want them to affect our marriage and our family negatively. We need a new truck, but have decided to save until we can pay cash for it. God has been faithful in providing for us and I have no doubt that He will honor our decision and keep Doug’s old truck running a little while longer until we have saved some more money! I am thankful for the change in our priority of debt... We don't want any!!!

Our life seems so busy now, we seem always on the go, compared to few short years ago and that in itself reminds me that times are changing. I was a schedule fanatic, I used to never miss naptime or bedtime, now it is normal for several times a week for our schedule to go out the window. I get frazzled and frustrated don’t always feel like I am a good mom and wife. I question the way discipline and my expectations, not only of the kids but my expectations of myself. I wonder who am I trying to please...

As a busy wife and a mom I have to constantly remind myself that my Lord and Savior HAS to be the center of my life, the Only One I am trying to please. He never changes and that part of my life should never change either. As I go from breakfast to lunch to laundry to groceries to cleaning bathrooms and then on to work it is so easy for me to lose my focus. As times around me are changing and at times spinning out of control, today, I am reminded that everything can change, but God’s love for me does not change, Jesus dying on the cross for me does not change, God’s unending grace and mercy does not change. If I keep my focus on those things, I will have what ever I need, whenever I need it to get through life and it’s constant changes, and I will have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, on the other side of that change.