Made to Crave

I have people tell me all the time, they "don't know how I do it", call me "superwoman", etc.  As flattering as it should be; I realize that they don't have a clue to the inner me.  Sometimes I think I look like I have it all together because I do juggle a lot of hats and maintain them somewhat successfully, but also because I am as good as the next sister at putting on the front of "Look at me, see, I have got it all together!"  What most people do not know is that I have found myself at a difficult time of my life. Really, I don't enjoy much about life. I simply endure and persevere to the next day, trying to complete as much of my to-do list as I can then sleep and do it again tomorrow.  I feel so overwhelmed and multi-tasked that it is difficult, certainly rare, to enjoy even the small day to day things that I should enjoy, especially with Doug and the children... this is where I have discovered that food comes in...

I am reading a really great book right now called Made To Crave by Lysa Terkheurst.  This is actually a really difficult book for me.  This book focuses on my focus of food and why I turn to it rather than to God.  Talk about a stepping on my toes kind of read. Because of this book (I have only read about 5 chapters) I have discovered that I don't emotionally eat. I don't eat when I am sad or happy or upset.  I just eat... to eat. I enjoy it. When I eat yummy food, it is small bits of pleasure, maybe even enjoyment in my overly busy, unenjoyable life.  Now I know what the problem is, but I am finding it to be a very difficult problem to solve.

Made To Crave suggests that God created us to crave... HIM... not anything else.  To get rid of the unhealthy eating habits and craving, we have to get closer to Him. To get closer to Him we have to give up something that is permissible, but not necessarily beneficial with the sole purpose of getting closer to God.  Sounds easy enough, right? Not really, at least for me!  I have been struggling with my personal relationship with Jesus for some time now. In my busy, even exhausting life, I spend less and less time with Him. This has been progressive for several years now. I see it, I recognize it, but I have not changed it.  As much as I want to refocus and get back in touch with Jesus personally, I don't want to give up food, my tidbits of daily pleasure to do it!  There is my ah-ha moment. So here I am, confessing to whoever is reading this, that I want food as much, if not more than I want God right now.  I am praying that as I continue on the Made To Crave journey, I can overcome this sinful, selfish place. That I can embrace the idea of empowerment over deprivation so that for the first time in my adult life not be defeated by food and renew my relationship with Jesus without food in the middle!

I know that I am not alone in this battle, identifying the source of the problem is only the first step. Having the courage to tackle it is what will mold my character and show who (Jesus) I am really made of!