My goal is to be my own biggest loser! Today is the perfect day to start... The season premiere of Season 8, the season of second chances. This is way past my second chance, but I am beginning again anyways. So today (which I had picked about 2 or 3 weeks ago) is my day to again begin working hard and eating right.
This weekend on vacation, something happened... acutally a couple of things happened.
1- I tried on bathing suits!
2- I saw pictures of myself in a bathing suit
3- Two of my kids asked me why I have a fat belly (while I was wearing a bathing suit). I answered because I have 3 kids and I eat too much.
It made me feel sooo bad about myself, if I hadn't been on the beach with my family, I probably would have cried. As a mom, I want my children and my husband to think I am beautiful, the fat belly that they asked/laughed at doesn't fit my image of beautiful for myself. I get tons of compliments from people about how I look (I have lost about 30 pounds total over a long period of time) and I do look better than I did then. People comment about how great of a mom I am, but I never seem to feel good about myself. I think that it has something to do with my self image and what I see as beautiful.
I am not writing this blog for comments to boost me up or for people to say that I am not fat or whatever... I am writing to capture my thoughts and struggles and to share with others how hard it really is... To encourage others with the same struggles whether they have 10 pounds or 210 pounds that they can't get control of. If I can do, anyone can! The bottom line is that for people who are over weight, most of them have some sort of food addiction. I know because I am one of them. I have had people laugh at me when I say that. I guess because I don't weigh 400 pounds and eat a half gallon of ice cream in one sitting then they don't think I am addicted to food. Well, let me first clear that up. I sneak and eat. Not because I am hungry, but because I want it. I know I shouldn't be eating it, it's bad for me and I am not hungry, but I eat anyways, so I do it in secret... that is a food addiction.
So here is to today... I need to muster up more self control than I think I have. But I will!
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