Thursday, November 5, 2009
Self-Sabotage
There are times when I wonder if I sabotage my own efforts. I have been feeling very BLAH this week. The wind is gone out my motivation sails :-( This happens every time. I have had good weight loss, I have not plateaued, but I don't seem to have the will power to keep going. Part of me really wants this, and big part of me... but there is a small part (must be a strong small part) that just wants to keep eating what ever. That is easy; that is pleasing to that small part. I don't know why this happens and I don't know how to break this cycle. I had committed to doing really well for the length of The Biggest Loser, but I don't even seem to have what it takes. Really, I call that pathetic. I know why I want to lose weight; I know why it is sooo important for me to be healthy. But I don't know...
Friday, October 9, 2009
A Milestone
Today, I ran 5K for the 1st time ever!!! In 39 minutes :-) Up until last March, I had never ever even run 1 mile and now 3.1! I am registering to run a 5K race next Sat and I plan to run the entire race! That is huge in my inactive, non athletic world!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Nothing Tastes as Good as Thin Feels
Nothing Tastes As Good As Thin Feels
I have really been thinking about my goals for this weigh loss journey. That is really difficult to be specific. Of course I want to look better and feel better, but what are tangible goals to go with that?
1. To feel thin. I haven't "felt" thin in about 14 years or so. I want to wear stylish clothes and know that they look good. I want to see my collar bones when I look in the mirror.
2. To weigh 140 pounds or less.
3. Run a 10K (6.2) at 6.5 miles per hour
3. To know I am healthy with excellent blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol, blood sugar etc. Have definition to my arms, legs and abs that come with being physically fit.
4. To not be self conscious in a bathing suit next summer
As I am working towards these goal, I am adopting a motto for myself. I have always liked the saying, but I am making it my personal weightloss motto! When I feel like binging or I am at my calorie allotment for the day and want something bad I will remember:
"Nothing Tastes As Good As Thin Feels"
To feel thin is my number 1 goal, that is for my personal satisfaction and will make the journey worth it. I know I shouldn't care as long as I am "healthy". But the fact is I do care and to someday feel thin again will make this difficult (at times) journey worth it!
I have really been thinking about my goals for this weigh loss journey. That is really difficult to be specific. Of course I want to look better and feel better, but what are tangible goals to go with that?
1. To feel thin. I haven't "felt" thin in about 14 years or so. I want to wear stylish clothes and know that they look good. I want to see my collar bones when I look in the mirror.
2. To weigh 140 pounds or less.
3. Run a 10K (6.2) at 6.5 miles per hour
3. To know I am healthy with excellent blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol, blood sugar etc. Have definition to my arms, legs and abs that come with being physically fit.
4. To not be self conscious in a bathing suit next summer
As I am working towards these goal, I am adopting a motto for myself. I have always liked the saying, but I am making it my personal weightloss motto! When I feel like binging or I am at my calorie allotment for the day and want something bad I will remember:
"Nothing Tastes As Good As Thin Feels"
To feel thin is my number 1 goal, that is for my personal satisfaction and will make the journey worth it. I know I shouldn't care as long as I am "healthy". But the fact is I do care and to someday feel thin again will make this difficult (at times) journey worth it!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Haggai
Haggai 1:3-9 says, "Then the word of the LORD came through the prophet Haggai: "Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains a ruin?" Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it." This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored," says the LORD. "You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house.""
Every time I read these verses, they blow me away. I know that this is my biggest problem! For me, I have struggled with contentment at various times of my life... you know, never being satisfied with what I have. Wanting more, wanting better. God is saying until you put me first, nothing else will be satisfying to you; nothing else will be good enough. Not your clothes, not your house, not your food, not your relationships... you will always be looking, searching for more, for better. Searching for peace, contentment, happiness.
Consider what would happen if we put God first. He would fill us up. We would not be filling our bodies with unnecessary food, filling our homes with junk hoping "it" would make us happy, we would not be looking at our relationships especially our marriages as hopeless and unsatisfying, turning our eyes to others or to other options like divorce to make us complete and at peace. God would make us complete and at peace. We need to quit trying to fix it ourselves and just look up... to Him!
I desperately want Jesus to be the center of my life... ALL OF MY LIFE, including what I eat. Battling my food addiction is just one of the problems that could be solved if I spent more quality time with Jesus. I am in prayer for contentment, relief of stress and the overwhelmed feeling that I have most days right now as well as self control with my eating, activity and my time. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Every time I read these verses, they blow me away. I know that this is my biggest problem! For me, I have struggled with contentment at various times of my life... you know, never being satisfied with what I have. Wanting more, wanting better. God is saying until you put me first, nothing else will be satisfying to you; nothing else will be good enough. Not your clothes, not your house, not your food, not your relationships... you will always be looking, searching for more, for better. Searching for peace, contentment, happiness.
Consider what would happen if we put God first. He would fill us up. We would not be filling our bodies with unnecessary food, filling our homes with junk hoping "it" would make us happy, we would not be looking at our relationships especially our marriages as hopeless and unsatisfying, turning our eyes to others or to other options like divorce to make us complete and at peace. God would make us complete and at peace. We need to quit trying to fix it ourselves and just look up... to Him!
I desperately want Jesus to be the center of my life... ALL OF MY LIFE, including what I eat. Battling my food addiction is just one of the problems that could be solved if I spent more quality time with Jesus. I am in prayer for contentment, relief of stress and the overwhelmed feeling that I have most days right now as well as self control with my eating, activity and my time. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I love this show!
I just finished watching the biggest loser
I LOVE this show! It makes me feel like I can do it... no not 10+ pounds in a week, not 4 hours a day in the gym, but making wiser choices, smaller portions and moderate exercise. I am moving my scale so I don't weigh again until next Tuesday morning! I would love to be down 3 or 4 pounds. I have small group to get through on Thursday night... such temptation with really bad food. I will make the wise choice (straight f/ Kid's Club), with God's help, but it's up to me!
Today I decreased my carbs... did not eliminate them. Ate less food, so I am sure less calories. Did not get to the Y, may not get there until saturday morning. My plan is to seriously train for a 5 K in 3.5 weeks. I can run 1.5 miles, time to double.
Praising God for a great day, asking God for self-control (the fruit of the spirit I lack the most) for tomorrow.
Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 egg white, 2 slices of low fat ham, 2 T shredded cheese
Lunch: 2 slices of ham, 2 slices of cheese
Snack: string cheese, fiber one bar
Dinner: black beans & corn, broccoli with cheese and dijon mustard sauce, turkey burger on wheat bun with slice of cheese and ketchup
Notes f/ today: too much cheese, no water!
I LOVE this show! It makes me feel like I can do it... no not 10+ pounds in a week, not 4 hours a day in the gym, but making wiser choices, smaller portions and moderate exercise. I am moving my scale so I don't weigh again until next Tuesday morning! I would love to be down 3 or 4 pounds. I have small group to get through on Thursday night... such temptation with really bad food. I will make the wise choice (straight f/ Kid's Club), with God's help, but it's up to me!
Today I decreased my carbs... did not eliminate them. Ate less food, so I am sure less calories. Did not get to the Y, may not get there until saturday morning. My plan is to seriously train for a 5 K in 3.5 weeks. I can run 1.5 miles, time to double.
Praising God for a great day, asking God for self-control (the fruit of the spirit I lack the most) for tomorrow.
Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 egg white, 2 slices of low fat ham, 2 T shredded cheese
Lunch: 2 slices of ham, 2 slices of cheese
Snack: string cheese, fiber one bar
Dinner: black beans & corn, broccoli with cheese and dijon mustard sauce, turkey burger on wheat bun with slice of cheese and ketchup
Notes f/ today: too much cheese, no water!
The Biggest Loser
My goal is to be my own biggest loser! Today is the perfect day to start... The season premiere of Season 8, the season of second chances. This is way past my second chance, but I am beginning again anyways. So today (which I had picked about 2 or 3 weeks ago) is my day to again begin working hard and eating right.
This weekend on vacation, something happened... acutally a couple of things happened.
1- I tried on bathing suits!
2- I saw pictures of myself in a bathing suit
3- Two of my kids asked me why I have a fat belly (while I was wearing a bathing suit). I answered because I have 3 kids and I eat too much.
It made me feel sooo bad about myself, if I hadn't been on the beach with my family, I probably would have cried. As a mom, I want my children and my husband to think I am beautiful, the fat belly that they asked/laughed at doesn't fit my image of beautiful for myself. I get tons of compliments from people about how I look (I have lost about 30 pounds total over a long period of time) and I do look better than I did then. People comment about how great of a mom I am, but I never seem to feel good about myself. I think that it has something to do with my self image and what I see as beautiful.
I am not writing this blog for comments to boost me up or for people to say that I am not fat or whatever... I am writing to capture my thoughts and struggles and to share with others how hard it really is... To encourage others with the same struggles whether they have 10 pounds or 210 pounds that they can't get control of. If I can do, anyone can! The bottom line is that for people who are over weight, most of them have some sort of food addiction. I know because I am one of them. I have had people laugh at me when I say that. I guess because I don't weigh 400 pounds and eat a half gallon of ice cream in one sitting then they don't think I am addicted to food. Well, let me first clear that up. I sneak and eat. Not because I am hungry, but because I want it. I know I shouldn't be eating it, it's bad for me and I am not hungry, but I eat anyways, so I do it in secret... that is a food addiction.
So here is to today... I need to muster up more self control than I think I have. But I will!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Times Are Changing
As I look ahead to the fall, I see so much in our life changing! The boys will be in Kindergarten. Is that really possible? I can’t believe that they are five years old already. We plan on homeschooling, but Kindergarten is still a milestone in their lives and in ours. I think about how our life will never be the same and am nervous about the pressure and responsibility to train our children in all they need to be responsible, polite, respectful, intelligent (hopefully) children and someday adults.
Over the past few years, we have changed the priorities that we used to have in life and have made decisions that we hope will bring glory to God and peace in our home. They continue to change and evolve into what we see as walking closer to God, choosing to choose His way of life rather than the world’s. We want to live debt free... if we are out of debt and are talking about the way we spend our money, then we will have no money troubles... and the love of money and material things is the source of so much discord and unhappiness in our world. We don’t want them to affect our marriage and our family negatively. We need a new truck, but have decided to save until we can pay cash for it. God has been faithful in providing for us and I have no doubt that He will honor our decision and keep Doug’s old truck running a little while longer until we have saved some more money! I am thankful for the change in our priority of debt... We don't want any!!!
Our life seems so busy now, we seem always on the go, compared to few short years ago and that in itself reminds me that times are changing. I was a schedule fanatic, I used to never miss naptime or bedtime, now it is normal for several times a week for our schedule to go out the window. I get frazzled and frustrated don’t always feel like I am a good mom and wife. I question the way discipline and my expectations, not only of the kids but my expectations of myself. I wonder who am I trying to please...
As a busy wife and a mom I have to constantly remind myself that my Lord and Savior HAS to be the center of my life, the Only One I am trying to please. He never changes and that part of my life should never change either. As I go from breakfast to lunch to laundry to groceries to cleaning bathrooms and then on to work it is so easy for me to lose my focus. As times around me are changing and at times spinning out of control, today, I am reminded that everything can change, but God’s love for me does not change, Jesus dying on the cross for me does not change, God’s unending grace and mercy does not change. If I keep my focus on those things, I will have what ever I need, whenever I need it to get through life and it’s constant changes, and I will have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, on the other side of that change.
Over the past few years, we have changed the priorities that we used to have in life and have made decisions that we hope will bring glory to God and peace in our home. They continue to change and evolve into what we see as walking closer to God, choosing to choose His way of life rather than the world’s. We want to live debt free... if we are out of debt and are talking about the way we spend our money, then we will have no money troubles... and the love of money and material things is the source of so much discord and unhappiness in our world. We don’t want them to affect our marriage and our family negatively. We need a new truck, but have decided to save until we can pay cash for it. God has been faithful in providing for us and I have no doubt that He will honor our decision and keep Doug’s old truck running a little while longer until we have saved some more money! I am thankful for the change in our priority of debt... We don't want any!!!
Our life seems so busy now, we seem always on the go, compared to few short years ago and that in itself reminds me that times are changing. I was a schedule fanatic, I used to never miss naptime or bedtime, now it is normal for several times a week for our schedule to go out the window. I get frazzled and frustrated don’t always feel like I am a good mom and wife. I question the way discipline and my expectations, not only of the kids but my expectations of myself. I wonder who am I trying to please...
As a busy wife and a mom I have to constantly remind myself that my Lord and Savior HAS to be the center of my life, the Only One I am trying to please. He never changes and that part of my life should never change either. As I go from breakfast to lunch to laundry to groceries to cleaning bathrooms and then on to work it is so easy for me to lose my focus. As times around me are changing and at times spinning out of control, today, I am reminded that everything can change, but God’s love for me does not change, Jesus dying on the cross for me does not change, God’s unending grace and mercy does not change. If I keep my focus on those things, I will have what ever I need, whenever I need it to get through life and it’s constant changes, and I will have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, on the other side of that change.
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