Haggai

Haggai 1:3-9 says, "Then the word of the LORD came through the prophet Haggai: "Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains a ruin?" Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it." This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored," says the LORD. "You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house.""

Every time I read these verses, they blow me away.  I know that this is my biggest problem!  For me, I have struggled with contentment at various times of my life... you know, never being satisfied with what I have. Wanting more, wanting better. God is saying until you put me first, nothing else will be satisfying to you; nothing else will be good enough. Not your clothes, not your house, not your food, not your relationships... you will always be looking, searching for more, for better. Searching for peace, contentment, happiness.

Consider what would happen if we put God first. He would fill us up. We would not be filling our bodies with unnecessary food, filling our homes with junk hoping "it" would make us happy, we would not be looking at our relationships especially our marriages as hopeless and unsatisfying, turning our eyes to others or to other options like divorce to make us complete and at peace. God would make us complete and at peace. We need to quit trying to fix it ourselves and just look up... to Him!

I desperately want Jesus to be the center of my life... ALL OF MY LIFE, including what I eat.  Battling my food addiction is just one of the problems that could be solved if I spent more quality time with Jesus.  I am in prayer for contentment, relief of stress and the overwhelmed feeling that I have most days right now as well as self control with my eating, activity and my time.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!  

I love this show!

I just finished watching the biggest loser

I LOVE this show! It makes me feel like I can do it... no not 10+ pounds in a week, not 4 hours a day in the gym, but making wiser choices, smaller portions and moderate exercise. I am moving my scale so I don't weigh again until next Tuesday morning! I would love to be down 3 or 4 pounds. I have small group to get through on Thursday night... such temptation with really bad food. I will make the wise choice (straight f/ Kid's Club), with God's help, but it's up to me!

Today I decreased my carbs... did not eliminate them. Ate less food, so I am sure less calories. Did not get to the Y, may not get there until saturday morning. My plan is to seriously train for a 5 K in 3.5 weeks. I can run 1.5 miles, time to double.

Praising God for a great day, asking God for self-control (the fruit of the spirit I lack the most) for tomorrow.

Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 egg white, 2 slices of low fat ham, 2 T shredded cheese
Lunch: 2 slices of ham, 2 slices of cheese
Snack: string cheese, fiber one bar
Dinner: black beans & corn, broccoli with cheese and dijon mustard sauce, turkey burger on wheat bun with slice of cheese and ketchup

Notes f/ today: too much cheese, no water!

The Biggest Loser

My goal is to be my own biggest loser!  Today is the perfect day to start... The season premiere of Season 8, the season of second chances.  This is way past my second chance, but I am beginning again anyways.  So today (which I had picked about 2 or 3 weeks ago) is my day to again begin working hard and eating right.

This weekend on vacation, something happened... acutally a couple of things happened.

1- I tried on bathing suits!

2- I saw pictures of myself in a bathing suit

3- Two of my kids asked me why I have a fat belly (while I was wearing a bathing suit).  I answered because I have 3 kids and I eat too much. 

It made me feel sooo bad about myself, if I hadn't been on the beach with my family, I probably would have cried. As a mom, I want my children and my husband to think I am beautiful, the fat belly that they asked/laughed at doesn't fit my image of beautiful for myself.  I get tons of compliments from people about how I look (I have lost about 30 pounds total over a long period of time) and I do look better than I did then.  People comment about how great of a mom I am, but I never seem to feel good about myself.  I think that it has something to do with my self image and what I see as beautiful.

I am not writing this blog for comments to boost me up or for people to say that I am not fat or whatever... I am writing to capture my thoughts and struggles and to share with others how hard it really is... To encourage others with the same struggles whether they have 10 pounds or 210 pounds that they can't get control of.  If I can do, anyone can!  The bottom line is that for people who are over weight, most of them have some sort of food addiction.  I know because I am one of them.  I have had people laugh at me when I say that.  I guess because I don't weigh 400 pounds and eat a half gallon of ice cream in one sitting then they don't think I am addicted to food.  Well, let me first clear that up.  I sneak and eat.  Not because I am hungry, but because I want it.  I know I shouldn't be eating it, it's bad for me and I am not hungry, but I eat anyways, so I do it in secret... that is a food addiction.

So here is to today... I need to muster up more self control than I think I have.  But I will!

Times Are Changing

As I look ahead to the fall, I see so much in our life changing! The boys will be in Kindergarten. Is that really possible? I can’t believe that they are five years old already. We plan on homeschooling, but Kindergarten is still a milestone in their lives and in ours. I think about how our life will never be the same and am nervous about the pressure and responsibility to train our children in all they need to be responsible, polite, respectful, intelligent (hopefully) children and someday adults.

Over the past few years, we have changed the priorities that we used to have in life and have made decisions that we hope will bring glory to God and peace in our home. They continue to change and evolve into what we see as walking closer to God, choosing to choose His way of life rather than the world’s. We want to live debt free... if we are out of debt and are talking about the way we spend our money, then we will have no money troubles... and the love of money and material things is the source of so much discord and unhappiness in our world. We don’t want them to affect our marriage and our family negatively. We need a new truck, but have decided to save until we can pay cash for it. God has been faithful in providing for us and I have no doubt that He will honor our decision and keep Doug’s old truck running a little while longer until we have saved some more money! I am thankful for the change in our priority of debt... We don't want any!!!

Our life seems so busy now, we seem always on the go, compared to few short years ago and that in itself reminds me that times are changing. I was a schedule fanatic, I used to never miss naptime or bedtime, now it is normal for several times a week for our schedule to go out the window. I get frazzled and frustrated don’t always feel like I am a good mom and wife. I question the way discipline and my expectations, not only of the kids but my expectations of myself. I wonder who am I trying to please...

As a busy wife and a mom I have to constantly remind myself that my Lord and Savior HAS to be the center of my life, the Only One I am trying to please. He never changes and that part of my life should never change either. As I go from breakfast to lunch to laundry to groceries to cleaning bathrooms and then on to work it is so easy for me to lose my focus. As times around me are changing and at times spinning out of control, today, I am reminded that everything can change, but God’s love for me does not change, Jesus dying on the cross for me does not change, God’s unending grace and mercy does not change. If I keep my focus on those things, I will have what ever I need, whenever I need it to get through life and it’s constant changes, and I will have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, on the other side of that change.

And God Reminds Me...

I am again reminded why I changed the direction my website is going... Our church recently looked at hosting a mini-women’s conference where a well-known, well-respected woman would be teleconferenced in for part of the conference. The minimum price is $1000 for up to 250 people. If we chose to charge, that would leave out many people who could not afford to pay to come. So sad that that price is out of reach for the majority of churches and people in the world!

I believe that God has given me a desire as well as a gift to write and speak/teach about Him to others. I desperately want to share what God has done to change my life and the things that He is teaching me everyday, with others. I believe with all of my heart that anything I do has to be available to everyone, but at the same time not appear as cheesy and low budget! Someday, FaithWalk will have podcasts and video teachings as well as the already available traditional Bible study and the coming really soon mini-studies, all to help you in your walk with Christ.

I could add great stuff everyday (not going to happen right away, LOL), but the only way my website will gain exposure and become reputable is YOU! I need you to share my website with everyone you know. Share it with email. If you are a member of the FaithWalk facebook page, go to the FaithWalk page (type faithwalk in the search on FB and it will come up) then suggest it to all of your friends. Tell your church leaders about it, tell them that I am willing to come and speak to large or small groups at no charge.

God has led me in the direction of creating this website to be available to all, I believe that God has led me to you to help me spread the word! Will you be a part of God’s bigger plan?

Maybe I Have Been Doing It Wrong...

I think I may have come upon a personal revelation! I have been doing it all wrong! There are several areas of my life where I struggle with self control. I have shared with you all that food is one of them... I continually go down this road, not only with food, over and over and over again. I know that I need the power of the Holy Spirit to help me discover and embrace this self control that I lack. I read about it, pray about it and when I fail, I chastise myself, I feel guilty, and just give up. When I give up on the area of self control, I find that I also give up on (for lack of a better term to fit here) Jesus too. It’s like I have made the two connected. This is what I do...

I decide that I am going to get control of my self control.

I decide that I need Jesus to do it.

I make strong commitments to myself and to Jesus.

I pray and read my Bible.

After 1-5 days, I fail.

Guilt, self-pity, chastisement...

Done... until the next time.

Basically, I make the decision and attempt on my own power to make a change, bringing Jesus along as a sidekick. It’s like I thought that if I make the decision to do something and take Jesus along, then I will be successful... WRONG!!! What I should be doing is seeking Jesus all of the time, not connected to any particular area of my life. I need to continue to recognize and remember the problem area in my life. Seek Jesus for guidance and ask Him for ways to escape temptation. First, I HAVE to be connected to Jesus only for the love and peace and fulfillment that comes from a close relationship with Him. NOT for what He can do for me! I need to allow that relationship to grow and develop independently from needing it to escape a stronghold.

Sometimes I think that I know the right answers, but get them mixed up when I go to apply them in my own life! This walk with Jesus that I am on is a work in progress that I am privileged to be able to share with it you! (Especially when I stumble or when I see a light on a dark path, or both) I hope that it encourages you in your walk... the walk doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to be walking!

Courage

Courage such an important word. God tells us so many times in His word to be strong and courageous, He is with us. So why do I have so much trouble. I am very solid in my beliefs and my faith. I do not waver. I try live the way God wants me to live. I am actively pursuing a personal and intimate relationship Jesus. So, where, may I ask, is my courage???

Joshua 1:5-9 says,” No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. “Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (NLT)

The other night at work I was sharing about a woman (who remained and will remain nameless) that is choosing to stay in her marriage because it is what God has commanded her to do. Her husband is an alcoholic and is at times verbally abusive. Their relationship is awful, but she feels like she made a covenant to God and that it is permanent. The lady I was talking to, who goes to church, responded with a very worldly conditioned response...

“I think that God gave us common sense to not be treated that way. This is not how God wants us to live, and if someone wants to pull the God card, then the Bible says we are created in God’s image and would anyone say that God’s image should be abused.”

My stomach immediately knotted up. I have studied marriage and divorce in depth and know what the Bible teaches, but in that moment I had no courage, I had nothing to say to her. Later, almost tearful, I confessed this weakness to Jesus, asking for forgiveness, balking at myself for allowing Satan to freeze me in a moment when I could have confidently and with knowledge on the subject spoken the truth about it.

I wish I would have told her that she is wrong. God is specific that marriage is forever. It is a covenant only broken by death. Divorce may end your marriage legally, but you are married in God’s eyes until death. Living the life that God commands can bring great suffering in this life. It can bring persecution from your family and friends who don’t understand why you make the choices you make especially when they are against what the world says. I should have told her about the passage 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 that says a Christian woman should not leave her husband, that she brings holiness to her home and her marriage and the her husband may be converted because of her. Lastly, Jesus, God’s son, who is one with God was beaten and abused beyond recognition, all for God’s will and glory. Her defense on God’s image not being treated badly is out the window on that one. I would never advocate a woman staying in a dangerous relationship, however, I think we are too quick to run when there is suffering. The world thinks that our life is supposed to blissful and if it is not, then we leave. The woman I am referring to is in no danger. I commend this woman for staying in her marriage. She and I have talked in depth and I know her heart concerning this. She prays for her husband and knows that God will reward her for her obedience. She knows that someday her husband may be freed of his addiction because of her love and God’s love for him.

My prayer is that the next time I have the opportunity to be bold for Christ, that I have the courage to do so. God is with me and He commands it of me! How about you pray the same prayer with me!